PYROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~! Mike Tenay & Don West are your hosts, and Dave Penzer introduces our first combatants!

Brutus Magnus vs. Brother Ray

Ray attacks Magnus during the entrance, and chops him before entering the ring. Ray is a man possessed as he clotheslines Magnus in the corner and tosses him to the floor. Another chop on the floor, into the guardrail, he tosses Magnus into the crowd but Magnus turns it around pretty quick like. Don West says Ray weighs 400 pounds and I can’t disagree. Magnus into the HAWT Victory Road poster. Back to ringside and back into the ring. Brother Ray GETS THE TABLE for the standing room only crowd in the Impact Zone. He gets it ready as the fans get excited, but here comes the British Invasion! Doug Williams, Kiyoshi & Sheik Abdul Bashir attack Brother Ray, but Brother Devon evens the score with a chair. 3-D for Kiyoshi through a table as the referee calls the match a no contest!

Winner: None?

Don’t ask me for a star rating for that, because I’m not sure it was anything more than something to extend the feud with Team 3-D and Dem Damn Foreigners.

Backstage, Lauren talks to Kurt Angle, or at least tries to. Samoa Joe also has nothing to say. She got nothing! I’d give her something, but that’s a conversation for another time…

Main Event Mafia Interview Time!

I love the MEM theme music. Angle with hair still looks really, really weird. He introduces himself as the TNA Champion. He wishes to invite out the newest member of the MEM, from the Nation of Violence, Samoa Joe! And here Joe comes. When did his music get the hip-hop remix? Hugs and handshakes for Angle, Booker T, Scott Steiner & Kevin Nash. It started with the Nation of Violence, when Joe came back from the beating the MEM gave him, and then the beatings started, and the MEM knew they had to sign him. Joe’s price was a little high, and that’s where Jenna came in. Jenna had enough money to bring in Joe, so apparently Survivor winners make a lot more money now than they did when I watched the show. Every MEM member took a bullet from Joe because that’s what family members do. If you didn’t get it, you’re a frickin’ moron. Apparently Angle forgot to tell Sting, but apologizes and says what Sting didn’t know won’t hurt him.

Here comes Mick Foley! Angle doesn’t owe him an explanation, he owes him a rematch at Victory Road. Angle saw Foley after the match and wants him to cry like he did then. He’s a disgrace to his family and TNA. Angle’s the one with the power, in his contract it says he has the right to pick his opponent at Victory Road. Foley got emotional, and he brings up how he got a three-count on Angle at Slammiversary. This little crybaby will kick Angle’s ass. But it’s Angle’s night of celebration, and he gives a proposal…they can go back to Foley’s office, have a couple of drinks and come to an agreement. He’ll see him backstage! Play the MEM music!

Lauren tries to talk to AJ Styles…Kip James points AJ in the direction of Joe and AJ is off! Tough night for our favorite blond haired interviewer…

Time to review the volatile history between Jeff Jarrett & Mick Foley.

Mike Tenay & Don West are ringside! They’re waiting for a phone call from Jeff Jarrett, but in the meantime they can hype the rest of the show. Here’s the call. It’s time for JJ & Mick to resolve their differences, but it’ll have to wait until next week. We get a hype video for the “Dark Angel” Sarah Stock, who will be debuting in three weeks. I want her now. But instead, we get…

Abyss vs. Kevin Nash

Well, first we get a commercial.

OK, now we get some action. Nash works over Abyss in the corner, but Abyss fires back with punches, but Nash gets a clothesline. Back into the corner. This is a true big man match. Clothesline in the corner by Nash. He poses for the fans. Whip reversed, splash in the corner by Abyss, another one gets an elbow,then Abyss gets clotheslined over the top. They go outside, Nash gets a chair but misses, Abyss bangs his head into the guardrail and the steps. Back into the ring, Abyss gets the chair, and places it in a corner between the 2nd & 3rd ropes, but Nash gains the advantage, gets the chair…Dr. Stevie comes in and tazes Abyss! What the hell? Nash covers Abyss for the win.

Winner: Kevin Nash

You don’t expect me to rate that, do you? Lauren comes in to check on the shocked Abyss. Meanwhile, Beer Money Inc. is on their way, and they’ll be……….NEXT!

James Storm says it’s great to be the champs again. Robert Roode claims themselves to be the greatest tag team in the world. They give credit to Team 3D for being legends. They are three time, three time, three time tag team champions. They want to give Team 3D their rematch, but we hear that great MEM music! Booker T & Scott Steiner come down to the ring. Booker wants to give them a history lesson in the form of the Steiner Brothers & Harlem Heat. Steiner tells them that Angle is calling all the shots, which leads to Mafia rules. The deal is sealed, and Booker & Steiner are now getting a tag team title shot at Victory Road, along with Nash getting a shot at the Legends title. Storm tells them to kneel down and take a drink like everybody else. Tell him he didn’t just say that. Tonight we’re getting some singles matches with these four men, so they can go have a beer and get ready to get their asses kicked!

Here comes Team 3D! Brother Ray wants to know if anybody can understand what the MEM boys said. Beer Money already offered them the title shot, and they plan on taking the offer. Steiner says there isn’t a damn thing they can do about it. Ray mocks Steiner. 3D will make Foley an offer he can’t refuse. Who will get a shot at Beer Money?

Next, we’ll hear from the Beautiful People and see the 10,000 Thumbtack match!

We get a hype video for the thumbtacks. I hope that guy who said he was going to count the tacks actually does.

10,000 Thumbtack Match: Daffney vs. Taylor Wilde

Oh, Daffney. I’d vote for her for President before I vote for the Governor. She attacks Taylor from behind and it’s on! Slaps by Daffney. West comments that Daffney reminds him of his first wife…I can only hope my first wife is like that. Daffney punches away on Wilde. Holy crap, the bag of tacks is on a pole. Taylor gets the bag, but Daffney rakes the eyes and hits her with the bag. Daffney opens the bag and pours the tacks on the mat! They tease the tacks for awhile, and then Taylor drops Daffney on them!

Winner: Taylor Wilde

Well, I can’t say that was quite as hardcore as I was hoping for. On the bright side, I’m sure the rest of the 411 writers weren’t as OFFENDED~! as we thought they might be. Let’s give it *1/2 and move on to the next thing.

Backstage, the Beautiful People cut a promo on Tara, which is apparently short for Tarantula for 15 seconds before a tarantula appears on one of their shoulders. Um……..ok?

I hate to admit this, but I’m not sure which one of them was cutting the promo and which one had a tarantula on their shoulders. It’s easier to tell which is which when they’re shaking their asses on the ring ropes. I’ll assume Angelina Love was talking and Velvet Sky was sitting there with the bug on her shoulder.

In the office, Team 3D pleads for a tag team title shot. Foley & 3D don’t care about each other’s losses. Next week we get to see 3D vs. Booker & Steiner…maybe. Ray has a barbed wire baseball bat. Foley begs them to take the match. Devon says they’ll take the match, Ray wishes him a nice day. Foley doesn’t care. Does anybody?

“Big Poppa Pump” Scott Steiner vs. TNA Tag Team Champion Robert Roode

Man, I wish I had some guns like Steiner’s. I also wish I had a shirt like Roode’s. My mind on my money, my money on my beer. Steiner gets the advantage early, beating Roode down in the corner. Roode fights back, snap mare, Mr. Perfect neck snap! Vertical suplex by Roode, who does some posing. Then he gets tossed outside, and Steiner sends him into the rail and the steps. Overhead belly to belly by Steiner gets two. Clothesline and a flexing bicep by Steiner, then the pushups! Gotta love that. Crowd trying to get behind Roode…I never thought I’d see that after what he did to my Miss Brooks. Steiner with the bearhug, Roode fights back, but gets kicked, but Roode with a clothesline, flying jalapeno by Roode! Roode to the middle rope, blockbuster gets two! Steiner with a flatliner gets a two count! He goes for the Recliner, Roode fights out, after a series of reversals, Steiner gets a backslide for 3!

Winner: Scott Steiner

That was actually a pretty nice little match. As far as TV matches go, I’d put it in the ** range…as far as PPV matches go it’d be a lot lower, but you gotta lower expectations for TV.

Jeremy Borash is with Kurt Angle. Borash is trying to stir the shit as usual…Angle says he’ll take care of Foley next week. Angle’s the godfather, Sting isn’t. Apparently Sting’s on his way right now and he wants answers. Why in the world is he texting Borash? Well, whatever. If they were really on the technological ball, Borash should have said that Sting tweeted him that message…and it makes more sense that Borash would be following Sting on Twitter than Sting allegedly texting Borash messages. I’ve put way too much thought into this.

Let’s get Foley’s reaction on Jarrett’s call earlier! Foley is open to reconcilation. If JJ is ready to apologize, then Foley is ready to listen. The security guards need new shirts. Foley yells a lot and I’m utterly confused. We’ll deal with all of this next week. Thank God.

We get a video package on Eric Young. He’s paid his dues, by Gawd. Young is rebelling agains the Powers that Be. I thought those guys only existed in late 1999 WCW.

Lauren interviews EY, who claims that none of the people who say that they’re his friend are actually his friend. He’s the court jester and he’s sick of it. Rhino didn’t appreciate Young walking out on him at Slammiversary. Young headbutts Rhino and all hell breaks loose! Well, not really. Rhino goes crazy on who I presume is Jesse Neal. I’m sorry, the bourbon’s really kicking in at this point and I’m kinda sketchy on the fringe TNA characters wearing street clothes.

Lauren talks to Booker T about his match with James Storm. Booker claims the Dudleys (who?) beat nobody. Sharmell wants Jenna’s bony butt in the ring. Dear God, why? (OK, I know they’re feuding, but who wants to see that match?) Lauren is as confused as I am at this point.

Booker T (w/Sharmell) vs. TNA Tag Team Champion James Storm

Storm comes out on the Boozer Cruiser! Who can’t love that? Booker with the advantage early, misses a spin kick, Storm fires back, but Booker regains the advantage. Storm skins the cat, comes back again, Booker with a stun gun. For God’s sakes, it’s like shampoo directions…wash, rinse, repeat. Nice little kick by Booker gets two. Booker misses the scissor kick and Storm fights back again, neckbreaker gets two. Vertical suplex by Storm, and ten punches in the corner! Sharmell hands Booker the beer bottle, he whacks Storm and gets DQed!

Winner by Disqualification: James Storm

I guess it got Earl Hebner too, as he’s also down. Judas Priest, all of these matches have seemed like they’re building to something but then got cut short due to something or other. I can’t go any higher than *13/45ths on that one.

Here comes Sting! How will he react to all of the Samoa Joe stuff? We’ll find out…….NEXT!

AJ Styles is in the ring and he wants a damn explanation from Samoa Joe. HE DON’T KNOW HIM NO MORE! FACE HIM LIKE A MAN! Joe comes out and faces him. AJ asks Joe if he did it for the money. Don’t we all do it for the money? What kind of a dream world does AJ live in? He continues to state the obvious, as Joe screwed the company and screwed the fans. He also screwed himself. Wow, I thought Joe was married and didn’t need to do that…well, then again… Who got to Joe, AJ wants to know. Joe is done, but AJ isn’t and attacks Joe for no reason as far as I can tell. Matt Morgan attacks Styles! Joe & Morgan give Styles a good ol’ fashioned beatdown, here comes Daniels! Unfortunately Daniels is a foot shorter than everybody in the ring, and here come Booker, Steiner & Nash! Why in the world is the bell ringing? Here comes Sting in a purple coat and gray t-shirt! What a fashion disaster! Wait a damn minute, we get a commercial break and then we get to hear him talk? Mike Tenay, you better be a goddamn liar or I’m gonna fuck somebody up.

Sting expected this from Angle, but not from everybody else. It was because of punks like Joe that they started the Mafia to begin with. What else didn’t Sting know? Angle is beyond pathetic. Morgan tells Sting that Angle had everything to do with it. Where does Nash stand? Sting is more surprised with Nash than the rest of them. Wolfpac, man! Nash tells Sting that he stuck up for him and believed in what he had to say. He kept the rest of them from cutting Sting off at the knees. But he went along with Kurt on Morgan because Sting’s plan isn’t working and Kurt’s is. The honor and dignity thing is bullshit. It’s about money! They bought Joe because they couldn’t beat him. You can make friends or money, but you can’t make both. Sting brings up Nash’s son and speaks to the real Kevin. Wow, it’s like watching a Ring of Glory show all of a sudden. Sting offers Kevin his bat and says he can take him out for the Mafia. He turns his bat to him…but he had one of his own and takes out the rest of the Mafia…except for Joe. Joe gets a shot, and the Mafia beats Sting down! It should be noted that Nash wasn’t actually part of that part of the beatdown, but in any event Sting is down as we fade to black.

I gotta tell you…that wasn’t one of the better Impacts I’ve seen. As a person who wants TNA to thrive it really pains me to say that, but this show kinda stunk. Luckily, the rest of the stuff they taped on the night they taped this show sounds better. So…Mr. Miezen should be back next week, and I’ll be back on the 411 in another capacity on a regular basis pretty soon. Until then, Mahalo.

- Suicide retained the X Division Championship in the first King Of The Mountain match to open the broadcast, beating the members of The Motor City Machineguns and Lethal Consequences in a high-flying ladder match!

- Daniels defeated “The Franchise” Shane Douglas in the “Second Chance Match” after Daniels hit the Best Moonsault Ever.

- Angelina Love successfully defended the TNA Knockouts Championship over Tara when Velvet Sky interfered on behalf of her Beautiful People partner. Velvet Sky and Madison Rayne interfered throughout. Velvet sprayed hairspray in Tara’s eyes, allowing Angelina to hit her finisher and get the pin to retain the gold.

- Abyss and Taylor Wilde defeated Raven and Daffney in the “Monster’s Ball” match when Abyss reversed a DDT into the Black Hole Slam for the pin on Raven. The chaotic bout also saw Wilde and Daffney go hardcore on each other with weapons and tacks!

- “The Icon” Sting defeated “The Blueprint” Matt Morgan after Sting escaped from Morgan’s “Hellavtor” finisher and Sting hit the Scorpion Death Drop for the win. Sting remains the leader of the Main Event Mafia.

- Beer Money, Inc became the new TNA World Tag Team Champions by defeating Team 3D. The British Invasion got involved in the bout, ultimately costing Brother Ray and Devon the gold! After Team 3D hit their finisher, Rob Terry of the Invasion climbed up on the ring apron - causing a battle between Team 3D and the British Invasion. This allowed Beer Money to hit their finisher on Brother Devon to get the win!

- Kurt Angle became the new TNA World Heavyweight Champion by winning the King Of The Mountain main event, beating Mick Foley, Jeff Jarrett and AJ Styles…with help from Samoa Joe!!! As Joe was climbing the ladder to win it, he handed the gold to Angle! Joe shocked the wrestling world with his actions - the question is, what will be the fallout from what he did?

Tonight’s iMPACT opens up with TNA World Heavyweight Champion Mick Foley and Jeff Jarrett doing their normal bickering back and forth. With the NBA Finals being on tonight, I expect not too high of a rating this week. Jarrett has on a weird looking Slammiversary shirt. At least they are creative. It’s got stars all over it. Mick Foley seems pretty intense saying that Jarrett endangered the life of Earl Hebner. Mick Foley tells Jarrett that he is going to be fined and suspended. The crowd is chanting for Jarrett to “Fire Foley”. Foley mentions a saying that Vince McMahon used to use. Foley says that either way Jarrett is going to be removed from TNA either the easy way or the hard way. Jarrett says he wants to do it the hard way and attacks Foley’s security guards. That Stacker-2 logo in the center of the ring is really strange looking consider Foley is standing over it. Foley backs his way up the entrance ramp mocking Jarrett. Jarrett hits a double clothesline on Foley’s security. Both security guards take a steel chair shot to the face from Jarrett. There’s a stare down with Foley saying he will “single handedly throw” Jarrett from the iMPACT Zone. Jarrett is sitting in the ring on the chair he used to hit TNA’s security with as the segment closes.

Lauren is backstage with TNA Tag Team Champions Team 3D. Brother Devon says that they have a problem with the British Invasion. Devon makes fun of the way they do things in the U.K. Brother Ray mentions Raven who is sitting in the corner on the floor. Classic. Brother Ray says that Beer Money Inc/ is the team of the future. Lauren runs away when the interview is done as Raven stares at her. Is TNA turning Raven into the creepy local hobo? I sure hope not. We head to our first commercial break of the evening.

TNA Video Vault is now online with EVERY DVD. It’s a decent idea. Cheap as well.

Jeremy Borash is backstage with Jeff Jarrett who is pacing back and forth. Jarrett understands why Foley is doing what he’s doing. Jarrett says he’s human and made a mistake. Jarrett challenges Foley to try and take him out tonight!

Non-Title Match: Alex Shelley w/Chris Sabin and “Black Machismo” Jay Lethal w/Consequences Creed vs. TNA and IWGP Tag Team Champions Team 3D (Brother Ray and Brother Devon)

Tenay mentions that Suicide will pretty much be by himself at Slammiversary in the King of the Mountain match. Devon and Shelley start. Non-title match here. Shelley kicks Devon a couple of times and ducks punches. He then hits a nice back kick for a two count. Tenay says that Team 3D wants to pass the torch at Slammiversary. Devon goes in control and tags in Brother Ray. They hit a legdrop combo for two. Brother Ray targets the arm of Shelley. Shelley rolls out and tags in Lethal. Lethal is decked out in his Randy Savage early 80’s attire. Pure greatness. Brother Ray begins targeting the left arm of Lethal. Lethal springs off the ropes and jumps over the top rope and snaps Brother Ray’s hand. Lethal nails a double axe handle off the top rope. He tries a backspring off the ropes but Brother Ray catches and hits him with a German Suplex. Brother Ray tags in Devon and now all four men are in the ring. Sabin and Creed grab Team 3D on the floor as Shelley and Creed attempt suicide, heh, dives, but end up connecting with Sabin and Creed! Sabin distracts the ref as Shelley low-blows Brother Ray. Don West makes his hilarious first heel comment of the night saying they’re just doing what they have to do. Lethal tags in Shelley and they double team Brother Ray. Shelley kicks Brother Ray in the chest twice, but gets caught the third time and punched. Shelley tags Lethal back in and he works on Brother Ray some more. Lethal slams Ray’s head into Shelley’s boots. Lot of fast paced action here. Devon gets tagged in and double clotheslines for Lethal and Shelley. Back bodydrop for Shelley. Running clothesline for Lethal. Sideslam on Shelley gets two. Brother Devon clotheslines Shelley for two as Lethal breaks it up. Lethal gets tossed to the floor. Creed and Sabin run in and both get backdropped. Team 3D hits the What’s Up diving headbutt. Brother Ray wants to get the table. The British Invasion runs to the ring. Doug Williams hits Devon with the briefcase in the back of the head and Shelley pins him!

Winners: Alex Shelley and Jay Lethal
Match Thoughts: **1/4. Good action throughout.

Foley is backstage with a TON of security guards and Borash. Foley mentions Cindy Margolis being attacked by Jarrett years ago. Borash wants to know if the security is what Foley means by single handedly getting rid of Jarrett. Foley marches out with his security guards and his title belt as we head to a commercial break.

Borash storms into Jarrett’s locker room informing him of the security. Foley tells Jarrett that he’s like a rat in a cage. Jarrett brings up the great Barney Miller. Foley tells Jarrett one more time to leave. Jarrett says he’s going to leave now before he does something before he does something bad and informs Foley to reevaluate his position in TNA.

Mike Tenay and Don West run-down tonight’s stacked card.

Madison Rayne vs. Tara
Non-Title: Shane Douglas vs. TNA Legends Champion AJ Styles
Nation of Violence First Blood Match: Booker T. and Scott Steiner vs. Samoa Joe
King of the Mountain Qualifying Match: Kurt Angle vs. Sting

Borash somehow FLEW into the Main Event Mafia’s locker room and is interviewing Booker T. and Scott Steiner. Booker T. has another new accent. Sounds paranoid. Steiner completely butchers another promo telling the Samoan War Pig Samoa Joe to bring his friends to the Nation of Violence First Blood match later on tonight. We head to a commercial break.

Another TNA Video Vault plug. At least they’re hyping this up more than WWE does their 24/7.

Nation of Violence First Blood Match: Booker T. and Scott Steiner vs. Samoa Joe

Rules are Steiner vs. Joe starts the match. If Steiner wins, match is over. If Joe wins, he faces Booker T. in another separate match. Joe is wearing his regular Cheerios pants. Steiner runs up the ramp and meets Joe as they slug it out. Steiner throws Joe into the guardrail. Steiner grabs a bell and hits Joe with the backside of the bell. Wood + Face = No blood. Steiner puts the bell on Joe’s head and hammers the bell. Man I love Steiner. Where’s his Pogostick? No blood from Joe yet. Probably a lot of bacon grease, but no blood. They are in the ring now and Steiner connects with a couple of punches. Joe catches Steiner running in and slams him. Joe throws some rights of his own at Steiner. Don West mentions that next week he has an interview with Joe and will get the answer on who the advisor is to Joe. Joe continues the attack on Steiner. At least this match has lasted longer than their single’s match on PPV a couple of months ago. Steiner takes a turnbuckle pad off exposing the steel. Steiner tries slamming Joe’s face into it, but Joe reverses and slams Steiner into it. Joe mounts and punches Steiner again. Still no blood. Joe gets tossed back first into the exposed turnbuckle. Steiner rolls to the floor and grabs a steel pipe. Joe comes running in and hits a suicide dive elbowing Steiner on the floor. Joe hits Steiner with the trash can and puts it on Steiner’s head. Joe then swings the pipe six times at Steiner’s head. Holy crap! Steiner is busted open and Steiner is eliminated. That was sick. Booker T. with Sharmell comes out with full pyro. Hmm. Something doesn’t add up. They kiss as we head to a commercial break.

We’re back and Joe is attacking Booker T. Joe throws rights railing Booker T. West says that Joe has already won the mental battle. Booker throws Joe face first into the guard rail to create some space. Booker T. throws Joe’s face into the ringpost. No blood. Booker throws nice elbows, still nothing. Joe fights back and slams Booker’s face into the guardrail. Joe is sweating like a pig. I’ll leave that comment alone. Joe tosses Booker T’ shoulder first into the steel ringpost. Still no blood. Booker comes back with some elbows into Joe’s bread basket. This is too easy. Booker slams Joe’s face into the steps. Booker connects with some knees. He misses with an axe kick and ends up crotched. Joe swings and hits Booker in the stomach with the steel pipe. Wow. That was a shot! Booker is spitting up blood and Joe is the winner.

Winner: Samoa Joe
Match Thoughts: **1/2. Great action at some points. The steel pipe shots on Steiner and Booker were worth watching alone. That was just brutal.

Joe screams that Kurt Angle is next on his list as we go to a commercial break.

A Stacker-2 commercial with Kurt Angle airs. Angle is sporting a full beard during it. Quite interesting. I thought Stacker-2 went out of business? Guess not.

A recap of the Nation of Violence match is aired. Those shots still look nasty.

Lauren is backstage with the trainers that are tending to Booker T. and Scott Steiner. Raven lurks in the background again.

Tenay and West state that Joe has his sights set on Kurt Angle. West wants to know how Angle can focus on his match with Sting with Joe in the back of his mind.

Non-Title: TNA Legends Champion AJ Styles vs. “The Franchise” Shane Douglas

The Franchise of Target is back in TNA, but not under contract as Tenay states. Douglas is wearing a t-shirt. Might be a good thing. They lock-up and Douglas backs Styles back into the corner and clean breaks. Douglas has a target on his chest during this match. Styles makes Douglas flinch and laughs. Styles works on the left arm. Douglas is sporting a nice farmer’s tan. Douglas has Styles in a headlock. Styles tosses Douglas off the ropes and connects with a dropkick as Douglas rolls to the floor. AJ slingshots himself over the top rope to the floor onto Douglas. Douglas cuts Styles off sending him into the rail. AJ gets slammed into the rail again. Douglas is reversed and thrown headfirst into the ringpost. Did these guys watch the last match? Seriously? AJ’s ankle looks hurt. He tries to spring but Douglas hits Styles’ feet and knocks him to the floor via a dropkick. Douglas chokes Styles in the corner with his boot. Styles connects with elbows, but Douglas hammers Styles in the back. Styles battles back, but Douglas hits Styles again. Styles and Douglas trade blows. Douglas looks gassed. AJ hits the Pele and gets a two count with Douglas’ foot draped over the bottom rope. AJ goes for a sunset flip, but Douglas punches AJ in the face. Douglas tries hitting the belly-to-belly. AJ connects with a Flying Armbar and Douglas gives up!

Winner: TNA Legends Champion AJ Styles
Match Thoughts: *1/4. I can’t really rate this high at all. Almost the same formula used in the match prior. Douglas didn’t look too bad though. I’d like to see him back in TNA for good.

Douglas attacks Styles after the match and hits the Belly-to-Belly. Daniels comes out to save AJ. Daniels puts the boots to Douglas. Douglas hits Daniels with a towel. Inside of the towel is handcuffs. Daniels gets handcuffed to the middle ropes. Douglas spits at Daniels. Joe runs out and chases Douglas away.

A TNA commercial is shown with all the sayings that the critics had about TNA and saying they would fail. Old footage is shown as well which is a nice touch. Oh snap it’s a Slammiversary commercial. 7 years of TNA. Can’t believe it’s been that long already.

Lauren is running down the steps away from Raven. She runs into the Women’s room and Raven sits on the floor on the outside. There is screaming heard in the bathroom. Daffney comes out. Lauren is shown on the floor breathing heavy with her cell phone next to her. We go to commercial.

More TNA Video Vault plugs. Wonder how many people signed up.

Back from commercial as Taylor Wilde is in search of Daffney. Daffney attacks Wilde and throws her in the fence backstage. Dr. Stevie stops Daffney and apologizes to Taylor. Raven is shown sitting on the floor AGAIN. Lot’s of work and sitting for Raven tonight.

Tenay and West rundown the rest of the card with Tara vs. Madison Rayne and Sting vs. Kurt Angle in a King of the Mountain Qualifying match. The TNA Live schedule is shown. Looks like a busy next couple of weeks for TNA. I can’t believe Slammiversary is at the Palace.

Jeremy Borash is backstage with The Beautiful People Angelina Love wants her set back. Borash says her butt needs to tend do. Velvet Sky says that a noun for JB is idiothole. DirecTV logo in the background. Nice advertising. Borash mentions the old Warriors move. Angelina Love says there not a baseball team. So dumb. Madison Rayne calls Tara obese and says she will rip the skin off her body. Commercial break follows.

ODB and Cody Deaner are shown with ODB training Deaner. Deaner is doing Military Presses, Barbell Curls, Bench Presses, and chasing a duck. ODB throws Deaner into the lake for trying to smoke a cigarette.

Jeremy Borash is following Angle. Angle says if Joe wants him that he can have him. Angle wants Joe to bring it because he has something for him.

Madison Rayne w/TNA Knockouts Champion Angelina Love and Velvet Sky vs. Tara

Why couldn’t they just call Victoria by her real name? Tara is just stupid sounding. She has music that sounds like her old Tatu music which isn’t a bad thing now is it? Tara will be challenging Angelina Love for the TNA Knockouts Championship at Slammiversary. They tie-up and trade arm ringers. Every match tonight has started the same exact way. Tara works over the elbow of Rayne and begins targeting the arm. Sound familiar? Tara dropkicks Rayne on the floor and rolls her back into the six sided ring. Tara hits a Springshot Legdrop for a two count. Headlock applied by Tara to Rayne. Tara stares down Angelina Love. Rayne knees Tara in the midsection stopping Tara’s offense. Knees to the head of Tara followed by a neckbreaker gets two. Three attempts and three nearfalls by Rayne. Madison Rayne continues with punches for another two count. Rayne goes to the top and missed a dropkick. Tara gets to her feet and clobbers Rayne with right hands. Tara nails a snap suplex and rolls over for two. Scoop slam by Tara and her Booty dance followed by a standing moonsault get a two count. VINTAGE VICTORIA! Tara lifts Rayne up and connects with the Widow’s Peak. That’s all she wrote. Three count and its over.

Winner: Tara
Match Thoughts: 1/2*. Rayne got good offense in, but it was pretty much a squash match. Good to see Victoria back in the ring…erm…I mean Tara.

Jeremy Borash is with Eric Young. Young states that he is tired of being taken advantage of by everyone. Borash tells Eric Young to stop thinking people are taking advantage of him. Young responds with a slap in the face. Now that was great. Commercial time again.

Wow. Another TNA Video Vault plug. What are they trying to do? Shove it down our throats apparently.

So Cal Val is backstage with Daniels. Daniels screams for Shane Douglas. He challenges him to a match at Slammiversary. If Douglas wins, he can have Daniels’ TNA roster spot. If Daniels wins, Douglas leaves the company.

King of the Mountain Qualifying Match: Kurt Angle vs. Sting

Angle sports a t-shirt with a rose on it and Main Event Mafia skullcap on his way to the ring. That shirt looks so perverted that I might actually purchase one. Maybe. It’s Main Event Mafia vs. Main Event Mafia here. This is a Bound for Glory 2007 rematch. If this match is anything like that match, then it should be a dandy. El Dandy! They shake hands to begin the match. Classy. PPV caliber main event here folks. They lock-up to being this contest. Angle backs Sting into the corner and clean breaks. Sting and Angle get tied up into the ropes and they clean break again. Matt Morgan is mentioned by Tenay as still wanting that spot in the Main Event Mafia. Angle takes Sting over, but Sting throws Angle into a head scissors. They both get up and stand off. Angle puts Sting into a headlock and shoulder tackles him. Good match thus far. They lock it up again. Sting this time has Angle in a headlock. Sting shoulder blocks Angle twice running off the ropes. Angle retreats to the floor as we head to a commercial break.

We come back with Sting and Angle circling each other. Angle connects with some uppercuts. Angle suplexes Sting and gets a two count. Dual “Let’s go Angle” “Let’’s Go Sting” chants begin in in the crowd. Sting clotheslines Angle over the top ropes and onto the floor. Sting follows and slugs away at Angle. The match is in Sting’s favor right now. Angle escapes back into the ring. Sting goes for the Stringer Splash, but it’s dodged and Angle hits an Angle Slam on Sting for a two count! Angle hits Sting with a backbreaker for multiple two counts. Angle applies a headlock on Sting again trying to weaken his opponent. Sting gets back to his feet. Elbows to Angle breaks the hold. Angle catches Sting off the ropes and hits a release overhead belly-to-belly suplex for a two count. Angle covers again and gets another nearfall. Angle picks Sting up and snapmares him over. He has him in a kneeling bearhug almost type position as we head to another commercial break. Ugh.

Finally we come back. Sting catches a boot in the face and they meet each other in the ring with a double clothesline. Both men are down. The referee applies the count. Both men are up at eight. They trade punches. Sting gets the best of Angle and connects with three clotheslines. Sting hits a Stinger Slash on Angle in the corner. He hits another! Sting hits a suplex on Angle for a very nearfall! Angle recovers and hits three German Suplexes. The third one releases. Angle drops the straps and means business. He tries an Angle Slam, but Sting tries the Scorpion Deathlock which is then reversed into an Ankle Lock! Sting rolls through and gets to his feet Powerbombing Angle! He falls on top for a two count! Wow! Angle backs Sting into the corner blocking the Scorpion Deathdrop. Angle runs in, Sting dodges, and Angle’s shoulder hits the ringpost. Sting hits the Scorpion Deathdrop, but Matt Morgan is distracting the referee! Morgan hits Sting from the apron. Angle Slam by Angle onto Sting finishes the match! Great match!

Winner: Kurt Angle
Match Thoughts: ***1/4. I really liked this match. Great, long action, but a bad finish. Would’ve liked a clean ending.

Kurt Angle realizes that Morgan helped him win the match. He looks angry and shoves Morgan. Morgan shoves Angle down. They have a stand off with the referees and security separating them.

Updated TNA Slammiversary Card:

King of the Mountain Match for the TNA World Heavyweight Championship: Mick Foley(c) vs. AJ Styles vs. Kurt Angle vs. Jeff Jarrett vs. Samoa Joe

King of the Mountain Match for the TNA X-Division Championship: Suicide(c) vs. Jay Lethal vs. Consequences Creed vs. Alex Shelley vs. Chris Sabin

TNA Knockouts Championship: Angelina Love(c) vs. Tara

TNA World Tag Team Championship: Team 3D(c) vs. Beer Money Inc.

For Daniel’s Roster Spot: Daniels vs. Shane Douglas

Final Thoughts: Another great episode of iMPACT! Solid action all throughout. TNA has really stepped it up over the past couple of weeks. Angle qualifies for the King of the Mountain Match and Morgan looks to be stepping into a feud with Sting. I’m looking forward to next week’s show to see how thing’s progress. Great show though.

“

In the opening six-man match on the Pay-Per-View, Lethal Consequences and Eric Young beat The Motor City Machinegs and Sheik Abdul Bashir when Machismo beat Bashir (Bashir tried to block the pin by grabbing the ropes, but the referee kicked them off). After the match, Bashir was upset with the referee’s role in costing him the bout.

- Taylor Wilde beat the maniacal Daffney in the first-ever Knockouts Monster’s Ball Match. After the bout, Dr. Stevie Richards poured out the bag of tacks and demanded Abyss slam Wilde into them! Abyss refused, and when Richards shoved Lauren Brooke, Abyss instead slammed Richards into the tacks.

- In the X Division Championship match, Suicide retained over Daniels via a time limit draw. However, during the bout the Motor City Machineguns cost Suicide the bout, leading to Daniels getting the win. But when Daniels saw the replay, he refused to accept the win and asked the referee to restart the match. The referee allowed it, and bother Daniels and Suicide fought to the time limit. In the end, Daniels handed the X Title to Suicide and the two superstars congratulated each other on an amazing match.

- In the Knockouts Title match, a terrified Angelina Love retained the gold after getting the pin on Kong after spraying her in the eyes with her perfume. After the bout, Kong cleared her vision and attack Love!

- “The Samoan Submission Machine” Samoa Joe bloodied and defeated his former mentor, Kevin Nash, ultimately forcing him to tap out to a clutch submission. After Joe got the win, he continued to assault Nash, leading to security hitting the ring. “Big Poppa Pump” Scott Steiner came out to check on his fellow Main Event Mafia member.

- In the finals of the Team 3D Tag Team Tournament, Beer Money, Inc defeated The British Invasion to earn $100,000, a trophy and a shot at the TNA World Tag Team Championship. The British Invasion attempted to use the briefcase they stole from Hernandez during the bout, but Beer Money turned the tables and used it instead, allowing James Storm to hit the superkick for the pin.

- In an I-Quit match for the TNA Legends Championship, AJ Styles defeated Booker T to retain the gold after Jenna Morasca threw in the towel from Booker’s corner. After a grueling bout, AJ got the best of Booker with an armbreaker after Booker was accidentally distracted by his wife Sharmell. When Booker refused to quit, Morasca tossed in the towel, resulting in the referee stopping the match and awarding the decision to Styles!

- In the “Ultimate Sacrifice” main event featuring TNA World Heavyweight Champion Mick Foley vs. TNA Founder Jeff Jarrett vs. Sting vs. Kurt Angle, “The Icon” Sting got the pin on Kurt Angle to win the bout after Jeff Jarrett hit The Stroke on Angle! As a result of the match stipulations, Sting becomes the NEW Godfather of the Main Event Mafia! Mick Foley retains the TNA World Heavyweight Title, as he was not pinned.

“

“

We cut to a video from earlier today at the TNA head offices of JB catching Jeff Jarrett coming out of a meeting. He asks Jarrett if Foley still has a job and Jarrett says “no comment”. Later we see Foley coming out of the same meeting, blowing kisses to “Dixie”. Foley says that he can’t be fired because he’s the champion and that he doesn’t work for Jeff, he works with Jeff. JB asks about the steel chair from last week and Foley chalks it up to friends fighting. JB asks about friends fighting with steel chairs and Foley seems to think that that’s how everyone settles differences. That leads us into the usual opening and we have LOTS OF PYRO!!! We are LIVE-ish from Orlando in the Impact Zone!! Mike Tenay and Don West welcome us into the show and we hear the familiar music of the Main Event Mafia. Kurt Angle makes his way out with Mike Tenay calling him the “Godfather of the Mafia”. In a nice touch, Angle has a huge rose in his lapel like a real mobster or something. Team Senior Circuit all hobble up into the ring and Angle decides that it’s time to address the masses. Angle says that for the past six months, those closest to him have referred to him as “the Godfather”. He says that they’ve done so because he’s the man in charge and he knows how to make things happen. He says that he can make anything happen for anyone as long as they show the proper respect. Angle says that he is honored in TNA as long as he’s shown the proper respect. He talks about Foley hitting him with the steel chair last week and says he didn’t know that there would be consequences, but when you mess with the Godfather of the Mafia, you pay the price. Angle says he’s got an offer for Jeff Jarrett that he can’t refuse and adds that if he gets put into the fatal four-way at Sacrifice and if he gets pinned, the individual that pins him will take over as the Godfather of the Mafia. He also says that he’s heading back to Mick Foley’s office tonight to employ a hostile takeover that’s going to have him taking over Foley’s office, his job and everything because when you screw with the Godfather, you get the thorn of the rose. Great line from Angle there, though I think they’re going a little heavy with the whole Godfather deal in terms of constantly beating it into the ground.

We head into the offices with JB to get Foley’s thoughts on the hostile takeover. Foley acts like he’s totally clueless and says hi to Jeff Jarrett as he walks in. Jarrett says that he has every right to beat the hell out of Foley tonight but he’s not going to because he’s going to do it on his own terms. Foley talks about the Angle takeover and says that he’s going to be ok as long as Jarrett has his back. Jarrett fires back saying that the only back that Foley’s going to get is the one that Jarrett turns on him. Jarrett storms out of the office and Foley calls him a “grump” as we head to commercial.

After the break, we’re in the back with Lauren and she’s in the Mafia locker room talking to Kurt Angle. Angle says that he’s the Godfather and that when he says something, he looks someone in the eye, and then he does it. Lauren asks what he’s thinking about by putting up his leadership role and Angle says he’s going to whip Foley’s ass and become the new TNA Champion. Scott Steiner is in the background getting cranky and apparently it’s about Jeff Jarrett. Angle says that they need Jarrett to help him get into the match at Sacrifice, but once that’s over it’s all Steiner to do whatever he wants to do to him. That leads into the talk of the Team 3D Invitational Tournament and the first round matches from last week with highlights of Beer Money’s win as well as the victory for Eric Young and Jethro Holiday.

Match One: Team 3D Invitational Tournament First Round
Motor City Machine Guns vs. Amazing Red and Suicide

Amazing Red is back!! He’s got a new look and he looks great. I’m rather excited to get to see him again as he was one of my favorites. Mike Tenay impresses me by talking about Red’s TNA World Tag Team Championship run with Jerry Lynn back in the day. Don West even drops the heel persona for a minute to help put Red over too, which is a nice touch for someone who is a real TNA original. Shelley and Red start the match out with a side headlock from Shelley off of a kick tot he gut. Shelley takes Red down with a shoulderblock off of a whip and then they do a little tumbling sequence including a spot that sees Red Matrix out of a Shelly pin attempt. All of that ends with Shelley getting the business end of a low enziguri from Red. Red hits a big chop and comes off the ropes but Shelley catches him and ties Red into a pretzel before mocking him and posing with a foot on Red’s ass. Tag to Sabin and he does the same thing, but Red takes him down with a HUGE spinning headscissors before tagging in Suicide. Headbutts from Suicide into a modified atomic drop and he follows that with a stiff legdrop. Front press slam from Suicide and in comes Red and he drops Red onto Sabin with another press slam that gets a long, LONG two-count. Great line from Don West addressing the move as he says “It’s amazing how far you can throw someone when they only weigh eighty pounds” or something to that effect. He’s in full on Heenan mode now. Sabin reverses a whip into the corner, but Red hits a drop toehold and a dropkick to the back. Red tries a charge, but Sabin sends him flying into the top turnbuckle before Shelley and Sabin sandwich him with kicks. HUGE DOUBLE-HIP TOSS from the Guns that nearly sends Red all the way outside of the ring. Shelley picks Red up and sets him into the Tree of Woe before stepping on Red’s nuts. Tag to Sabin and Shelley hits a baseball slide dropkick before Sabin hits a hesitation dropkick for a two-count. Sabin locks in a modified abdominal stretch and tags Shelley back in, whipping Red into the corner before trying to whip Shelley into Red. Red takes both men down with kicks to the head and ROLLS OVER SABIN’S BACK INTO AN ENZIGURI ON SHELLEY!! Sabin tries a tilt-a-whirl something or other, but Red reverses and drives Sabin into the mat. Hot tag to Suicide!! He’s cleaning house on everybody, clotheslining Shelley in the corner before taking Sabin out with a nasty dropkick. Finlay Roll by Suicide puts Shelley down right on top of Sabin. Shelley catches Suicide from behind, but Suicide rolls over it and reverses. The Guns hit a double-kick and Sabin kicks Suicide into the head leading to a Sliced Bread from Shelley! 1…..2…Suicide kicks out!! Sabin springboards off of Shelley’s back and kicks Red right in the face and they set up Suicide for the stereo kicks, but Red drops Shelley with a kick. Hurrancanrana on Sabin by Red and Red hits a sunset flip powerbomb assisted by Suicide that drops Shelley!! Suicide points out Sabin on the floor and Red hits a TWISTING SPLASH OVER THE TOP ROPE!! Suicide sets Shelley up and he hits the WRIST-CUTTER!! 1…2….3!! It’s all over!!

Winners: Amazing Red and Suicide (pinfall, Wrist-Cutter on Shelley) **3/4

(Not a shabby return for Red at all. Some of his stuff still looks a little unbelievable, but damn if it isn’t pretty. The Guns have been spinning their wheels somewhat as of late and this continues that trend, but they’re kind of hamstrung by the IWGP Jr. Titles at this point. I’m interested to see who Suicide and Red end up taking on in the second round.)

Lauren is in the back with The Beautiful People and Angelina makes sure that she introduces her as the TNA Knockouts Champion. Lauren talks about Madison Rayne being in a stretcher match against Awesome Kong tonight and Love cuts Rayne off, talking in stupid-ese before telling Lauren that she can take some paper and wipe her ass…or something. Angelina says that they’re The Beautiful People and they can do anything they want to. Love asks who is going to be strong enough to carry Kong’s fat ass out of the Impact Zone after the match is over. Rayne looks nervous while the other two slores plan their celebration early. Velvet Sky promises a funeral tonight and Rayne mumbles that she hopes it’s not hers.

After another break, we hear about how Abyss’ addiction to pain led him into Dr. Stevie’s office. After a video package that shows highlights of Abyss’ big bumps including those from Lockdown, intermingled with Dr. Stevie’s office visits, we get Abyss and Lauren talking backstage. Abyss says that Dr. Stevie tells him that getting hit with weapons over and over may make him afraid of them. Cody Deaner interrupts and says that they have a score to settle after what Abyss did to him a couple of weeks back. Cody tells him that it’s time to throw down and ODB shuts him down, saying that just because he’s hanging out with her doesn’t mean he’s a wrestler. Cody says that Abyss has no balls and tells Lauren to tell him that when he grows a set, “the Deaner” will be ready for him. Abyss grabs him and slams him up against the wall, screaming that if he wants him that bad, he’ll get him tonight. Hopefully Abyss kills him so that the gimmick is done forever. And what in the blue hell was up with ODB’s peacock ‘do?? West and Tenay are at the desk and they run down the rest of the lineup for the show including the big tag match between Nash and Booker T and AJ Styles and Samoa Joe. From there, they throw it to a video package featuring some of Kurt Angle’s greatest hits from his TNA career. In the backstage area, Mick Foley catches up with the Motor City Machine Guns and talks about how they have a win over Mick and he asks them for some help in terms of Angle’s hostile takeover. Foley continues to try to blame the stitches for everything and then asks them to watch his back, saying he loves their fire, pizazz and spunk. Shelley says that “spunk is inappropriate right now” and looks like he’s going to shut him down. Sabin tells him that they’re not interested because they have some issues tonight. They talk about how Suicide has a mask and he could be someone that stole his X-Division title illegally and that he’s preventing them from reaching their potential as the sexiest tag team in TNA. Mick says he’ll let them in on the secret identity and whispers “Al Snow” to them. The Guns look underwhelmed and says that he needs to keep going with the research before they head out of the locker room, zinging Mick with his own catchphrase on the way out.

Mike Tenay welcomes us back to the show and tells us it’s time for the final first round match-up in the Team 3D Invitational!!

Match Two: Team 3D Invitational Tournament First Round
LAX vs. The British Inva….

LAX doesn’t make their entrance and we cut to the back to see The British Invasion laying a beatdown on Hernandez in the backstage area. Brutus Magnus has even stolen Hernandez’s Feast or Fired briefcase. They make their way down to the ring and look smug and British as Homicide checks on Hernandez in the back. TNA official Terry Taylor tells Homicide to head out and wrestle and that’s what he does. Homicide HAMMERS on big Rob Terry as he makes his way down the ramp, taking him out with his Feast or Fired briefcase before hitting a tope through the ropes onto Doug Williams and Magnus. Homicide throws Williams into the ring and hits a spinning neckbreaker, but Williams cuts him off with a big boot into a reverse elbow. Tag to Magnus and he whips Homicide in, missing a clothesline before Homicide takes him down with a reverse elbow of his own. Williams attacks Homicide from behind as he tries to take over on Magnus in the corner, but Homicide fights them off. He heads up top and hits a double-dropkick on both Brits!! Big chop on Magnus and he tries to bounce off the ropes, but Williams kicks him in the back. Homicide knocks him off the apron, but turns around into a big clothesline by Magnus. Magnus kicks Homicide down in the corner and tags in Williams. Williams paintbrushes Homicide and lays the badmouth on him before scoring with a European uppercut, a diving knee in the corner and a beautiful suplex that gets a two-count. Another uppercut from Williams, but Homicide fires back with one of his own. Williams tags in Magnus and they hit a necktie neckbreaker before Magnus tries a pin attempt. One-count and Magnus picks Homicide up for a standing powerslam before heading up to the top rope. Magnus misses the big splash and crawls over to make the tag to Williams, but it’s too late as Homicide is good to go. Homicide with punches into an overhead suplex on Williams!! Magnus comes in but eats a tornado DDT!! The referee tries to get Magnus out of the ring and as he’s doing so, Homicide tries to take Williams off the top rope with a move. Rob Terry holds him down from the outside and Williams shoves him off. Magnus picks him up and holds him in place for a European uppercut off the top rope from Williams!! Magnus has the cover and picks up the three-count!!

Winners: The British Invasion (pinfall, top-rope European uppercut) **

(Kind of a slow match and one that lagged quite a bit with the British dudes on offense. Hopefully this is just a case of them not quite jelling as a team yet because they have some serious potential with this gimmick. It’s good to see LAX move on in the tournament at this point because they’re established as serious contenders and have the ability to lend some credibility to the second round just with their presence.)

The commercial break ends with another Kurt Angle video package showing his title victories in the past couple of years before we head to….

Match Three: TNA Knockouts Stretcher Match
Madison Rayne w/The Beautiful People vs. Awesome Kong w/Raisha Saeed

This one is essentially a pseudo-Texas Death Match with a stretcher as the winner will have to hold the loser on the stretcher for a ten-count. The referee sends Raisha Saeed to the back for some unknown reason before the match gets underway. The Beautiful People gloat and wave her up the ramp before the referee tells them that they’re gone too. Kong is left in the ring with Rayne and Rayne gets hammered down with big forearms right off the bat. Chokeslam by Kong and she’s already looking to the stretcher. Short clothesline drops Rayne and Kong picks her up by the hair before throwing her onto the stretcher. Referee Rudy Charles gets to 5, but Kong cuts him off to pick Rayne up for an IMPLANT BUSTER!!! Kong drags Rayne’s corpse over to the stretcher and the referee makes it to 7 before Kong picks her up again. She grabs Rayne and hits a NASTY-LOOKING AWESOME BOMB!! Crowd chants “one more time” as Kong tries to put her onto the stretcher. Kong looks at the crowd and delivers what they want, dropping Rayne with another AWESOME BOMB!! Kong drags her over to the stretcher and the referee gets to the ten-count as Rayne twitches and drools on the stretcher.

Winner: Awesome Kong *

(The only reason why this got a star was because of the double Awesome Bombs. I wonder if Kong could show Batista how to do one properly to where he’s not nearly killing people with it. Step one in Kong’s revenge is complete and it’ll be fun to see what she does next week to try to top this.)

After the break, we head into the back to see The Beautiful People trying to revive Rayne on the stretcher before we cut to the announce desk with Tenay and West. West is disgusted with how the stretcher match went and Tenay promises updates on Rayne and Hernandez later in the broadcast.

The Motor City Machine Guns’ music hits and Alex Shelley has a microphone with him as he and Sabin head towards the ring. Shelley asks everyone to shut up and says that they have someone to call out. Shelley calls out Christopher Daniels/Suicide or whoever he wants to call himself. Daniels obliges and is heading down to the ring!! Don West claims that Daniels is wearing the most guilty expression he’s ever seen. Shelley asks if Daniels developed a fear of heights and wonders why he didn’t come to the ring on a zip line. Shelley talks about how Daniels got fired in the Feast or Fired match eighteen months ago and that he’s been languishing in the indies working shows in VFW halls for pizza and Japanese wrestling t-shirts begging someone to get him back into TNA. Shelley talks about how pizza and t-shirts don’t pay the bills when you have a wife and two kids at home. Sabin takes over and says that they’re as smart as they look and they have even more evidence against Daniels. Sabin says the time has come for them to ask a few questions. They ask why Daniels and “Suicide” have the same build, why they move the exact same way in the ring. He also asks why people chant Daniels’ name every time “Suicide” is in the ring before calling Daniels a liar. Daniels does the slow simmer as Sabin continues to run him down, saying he’s been Suicide since day one and that he found himself a loophole to steal Shelley’s X-Division Championship. He says they don’t care if Jeff Jarrett had anything to do with it and that they only want Daniels to make amends and admit to the entire world that he’s Suicide. Daniels says that it’s time to get one thing clear. He says he doesn’t owe anyone an explanation while telling Sabin to step off. He says that the important thing is that Jeff Jarrett brought him back to TNA and he threatens to break Sabin’s face if he doesn’t back up. Daniels says that now that he’s back, he’s going to do what he does best and that’s wrestle. He says he doesn’t have time for video games, masks or zip lines and tells the Guns that if they want to know who Suicide is, they can ask him themselves. Shelley says he’ll ask Suicide and says there’s time for one more rhetorical question. He gets in Daniels’ face and asks who he is. Daniels says that he’s Daniels and more important than that, he’s pissed off. He takes down both Guns with punches and lays out Shelley with a sit-out powerbomb before taking Sabin down with a uranage. Daniels points to the corner and tries for the Best Moonsault Ever, but the Guns have already scattered out of the ring.

We got to the back and Mick Foley is with Samoa Joe, talking about Joe’s knife and his stitches. He asks Joe for help and says that this is Mick, the guy that used to talk about him all the time when Joe was starting out in the indies. He claims to have waved the banner of Samoa Joe and asks Joe to have his back. Joe just slips the black towel off of his head and walks away, leaving Foley to say that he’s going to have to try Plan C instead.

Match Four:
Cody Deaner vs. Abyss

Apparently the stips are that Deaner can use weapons while Abyss can’t. Unless one of those weapons is a gun, Deaner is fucked. Deaner looks to his trash can of weapons and grabs a cookie sheet, whacking Abyss in the face with it. Abyss looks at him like he can’t believe it and Deaner grabs a trash can lid instead. Deaner waffles him with it and Abyss looks at him again, even as he bleeds from the forehead. Deaner grabs a kendo stick, but Abyss catches it and rips it out of his hands. Abyss grabs Deaner by the mullet and threatens him with the stick before dropping him with a chop to the chest. ODB calls Deaner over to their corner and gives Deaner a bit of his tag team partner, Jim Beam. Deaner spits the booze into Abyss’ eyes and grabs the trash can, charging at Abyss with it and hammering him in the head with it. Deaner runs back and hits Abyss with another trash can shot before grabbing the kendo stick. Deaner pounds on Abyss with the kendo stick, breaking it over Abyss’ back before moving to a steel chair. Deaner hits a weak chairshot on Abyss and down he goes. ODB’s up on the apron giving Deaner a hug as Abyss tries to pull himself back up to his feet. Deaner turns his hat around and heads into his fanny pack for a wrench. Abyss drags himself up to his feet and Deaner tries to charge with the wrench, but he runs right into a HUUUUUUUGE BLACK HOLE SLAM!!! The referee can count to a hundred because this one is finished!!

Winner: Abyss (pinfall, Black Hole Slam) 1/2*

(Pointless until Abyss finally caught Deaner with the Black Hole Slam and basically just a way to advance the whole Dr. Stevie storyline. Meh.)

In the back, Lauren is with Daffney and she asks about her sessions with Dr. Stevie. Daffney says that Dr. Stevie has told her that all of the aggression she has on the inside has to be let out. Daffney says that her and Lauren have something in common. Lauren says that with all due respect, she doesn’t think that Abyss is interested in her. Daffney stares a hole into her and cackles as she walks away leading into the commercial break. I love that they brought back Crazy Daffney and if it leads to a bizarre love triangle with her, Lauren and Abyss, that could be some fun.

After the break, JB is in the locker room with Booker T, Kevin Nash and their wimminz. JB asks about the tension between the ladies last week and Sharmell says that it’s all cool since Nash put his pit bull on a leash. They start to bitch at each other and get close to getting physical before Kurt Angle comes in to break it all up. He tells Booker to get Sharmell out and out they go. He apologizes to Jenna Morasca and tells Nash to get her a drink. Nash says that he could use about a dozen himself. And that’s a shoot, brother! West hits the shill for the house show circuit and Matt Morgan’s music cuts him off. Morgan says that he’s going to drop a bombshell on Impact and that it’s time to make an offer that the Main Event Mafia can’t refuse. He offers his services to the Mafia and says that he’s the future of this business and the future is now. He says he’s going to wait on their reply and that the offer is only available for a very limited time. He tells the Mafia that the ball is in their court. We head to the back and Lauren is with AJ Styles. She asks about the match with Nash and Booker and the problems between him and Samoa Joe. Styles says he’s come back a different person and he doesn’t even know who he is anymore. He adds that Joe better show up with his game face on or there’s going to be problems. He says he doesn’t need the Nation of Violence, he needs the Samoan Submission Machine, and he needs his friend back.

We come back with a FANTASTIC commercial for Sacrifice featuring AJ Styles looking like he’s straight out of a first-person shooter. That leads into video of Rhino training with Jesse Neal. Neal says it’s harder than what he went through in boot camp and Rhino says that he’s being tough on him because he loves him, not because he hates him. Meh. I still think this is a horrible idea.

Match Five:
Kevin Nash and Booker T vs. Samoa Joe and AJ Styles

Joe’s music hits, but Joe is a no-show and it looks like AJ is going to have to go it alone. Booker mocks AJ before they hit a lock-up. Booker pushes Styles into the ropes and badmouths him off of the break. Another lock-up and Booker moves to an armbar, but Styles reverses to one of his own. They chain wrestle a little and Booker hits a knee to the gut. Styles with a reverse elbow into an Irish whip and he scores with the PHENOMENAL dropkick!! That gets a one-count and Booker rolls over into the corner to tag in Nash. Styles with a go-behind on Nash and Nash pushes him into the corner. Styles reverses and hits some shoulderblocks before trying an Irish whip. Nash reverses it and tries to go for the elbow in the corner, but he misses as AJ slips through the ropes. AJ hits a shoulderblock to the gut off the apron and tries for a sunset flip, but Nash catches him and just throws him into the corner. Nash hits some big elbows and sets AJ up on the top rope, but AJ blocks a forearm and locks in a sleeper! Tag to Booker and he starts working the knees in the corner from the Thai clinch. Booker drops AJ with a big kneelift and tags Nash back in. Double-Irish whip and Styles rolls under a double-clothesline, kicking out Nash’s legs before hitting some right hands on Booker. Booker with an Irish whip and AJ goes over the top rope before low-bridging Booker. Styles hits the springboard flying forearm on Nash and Nash rolls to the floor after taking a right hand as we cut to the back and see Bobby Lashley in the back of the Impact Zone. AJ slingshots over the top rope onto Booker and Nash on the floor and soaks in the cheers from the crowd. Samoa Joe comes down the ramp and as he makes it to the ring, it’s time for a commercial!

Back to the action, and Booker hits AJ with some knees to the gut. We head to the footage from the break and see AJ and Joe arguing before the Mafia takes over on both of them. Nash is in the ring beating on Styles, but Joe comes in and takes out Nash and Booker. Dropkick takes down Nash and he whips Booker into the corner, catching him with a big powerslam on the way out. Joe sends Nash out to the floor and rams him into the steps. Jenna Morasca gets up on the apron and talks to the referee and as she does, Sharmell slides the TNA Legends Championship into Booker. Booker WAFFLES Styles with it and covers for the three-count!!

Winners: Kevin Nash and Booker T (pinfall, Booker beltshot on Styles) *1/2

(This one just didn’t work for me. Nash and Booker seemed like they were trying hard, but they just don’t have it to keep up with someone like Styles. The whole thing with Joe kind of dragged it down too and it looks like rather than having a united front against the Mafia, they’re going to try to set up another feud between Joe and AJ. The match was about as good as can be expected with Nash and Booker carrying the bulk of the action, but that’s not saying much.)

After the match, Styles and Joe get into it with Styles asking what the hell is wrong with Joe. We cut to the back and Mick Foley’s got someone in his office, talking about how the person’s main evented WrestleMania and that if he’s going to sign this person to a lucrative contract, he wants that person to help him fight off Kurt Angle’s invasion. Foley sets up a plan for them to sneak attack Angle and snickers into the camera while telling Kurt to come and get them.

After a commercial and another Kurt Angle video, Angle busts into Mick Foley’s office with JB in tow. Foley tells him he needs a couple of minutes to get things in order with a contract for a new superstar coming into TNA soon. Foley says that once he’s crossed the last T’s, they can talk about whatever is bothering Angle. Foley tries to say the code word for the person to come out and attack Angle, but no one comes and Angle slams Foley out of the chair and starts choking him. He promises to shove the TNA Championship up Foley’s ass and Foley asks why Angle’s so mad at him. Angle yells at him about hitting him in the back with the chair last week and Foley says that if Angle hits Foley in the back with a chair, they’ll be even. He even promises that Angle will get his shot at the TNA title at Sacrifice. Angle can’t find a chair and Foley tells him to hit him with Jeff Jarrett’s guitar instead. Angle agrees but tells Foley it has to be in the head. Foley asks him to stay away from the stitcheroonies and Angle lines up with it, but Foley cuts him off saying that it’s probably not a good idea to break Jarrett’s guitar because he and Jeff have been having problems. Foley says he’ll get on the phone and have a chair in his office in less than thirty seconds. Foley gets on the phone and hits Angle in the face with it!! Foley talks about how the person that wanted the contract better start earning their money and he pulls Socko out to slap it into Kurt Angle’s gullet. He locks it in and the lights go out in the office. We hear someone getting hit with a steel chair and when the lights come back on, Foley and Angle are down on the floor and Sting is standing tall in the office with a steel chair. With that final shot, we’re out from Orlando!!

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